The updated Member’s Rule Book from my club Quo Vadis, the Grande Dame of Dean Street, Soho, London:
- The Martini Gong will sound promptly at 6pm on Wednesdays for Happy Hour. This is not a fire drill.
- Rudeness is for the bedroom. No moaning. No pestering. No excuses.
- Even the best behave badly sometimes. Boilers aside, most things can be fixed with an apology.
- Whilst children are wonderful, boasting about their achievements can ruin a pleasant evening.
- No discussions of share prices, house prices, home furnishings and other mundane frippery.
- No seduction of the management. They are immune.
- The red loo is exceptionally good for photographic self portraits. Please remember that it is not the primary function of the space.
- No fake gangsters. No pistols, flintlocks, muskets, rapiers, cannons, lances, maces, swords, daggers, whips or clubs.
- The piano is there to be played – well.
- If you feel a spontaneous compulsion to dance on the banquettes, good for you. Please take a moment to remove your heels and hobnails first.
- This building is very old and the doorways unsuited to permitting inflated or fragile egos.
Yep – my kind of club.